Ten people on every street corner waiving nude photos of women that I can have in my hotel room in twenty minutes.(With most of these cards and flyers finding their way to the ground by midnight) Annoying individuals at every casino trying to sell me a timeshare. And prices for just about everything being so high you almost have to win big just to eat, drink, and sleep here.
If you haven't figured it out by now I'm talking about my trip to Las Vegas Nevada, Disneyland for adults. Chuck Palahniuk was quoted as saying that Vegas looks the way you'd imagine heaven must look at night. EHHHHHH! Wrong answer! Sorry Chuck, I'm a big fan but I hope that was the Satirist speaking when you made that comment.
In my book, heaven at night would include moonlight over surf and sand in some tropical location. Yeah that's it. Take a Corona beer commercial complete with a bucket of brews on ice, throw in yours truly on the hammock, and paint the sky black with only the moon and stars as a back light. Not a million candlepower of the Vegas strip. That my friends is about as close as one could get.
The trip was planned as business but being there for a week provided me time to walk around and see what all the fuss was about. And after all was seen and done I have to admit that the only thing I enjoyed was the climate. Put me anywhere in this world where it's sunny and 80 degrees and I'll be a happy man. I can do without the casinos and the impossible way of navigating them. The crowds everywhere you go. And if I want to get ripped off and pay $37.50 for a printed Hanes T-Shirt I can spare myself the three hour plane ride and get robbed right here at home. I'm not much of a show person either. Topless or fully clothed, I would much rather watch my grass grow than see a Broadway musical or some washed up cabaret singer in a smoke filled club.
Obviously more people than I truly do like all of this or else the town would have fallen off the map decades ago. I'm certain that once will be enough for me but I have a hard time understanding the need to go back again and again. Some people I know will make the trek many times each year and now that I've been there and taken it in I have to scratch my head more than ever.
One thing that did amuse me though is the honesty in the panhandlers. You don't see many of them, but when the local authorities or casino security haven't swept them away you'll find one on a pedestrian overpass or sitting off to the side of an establishment with their sign and cup looking for spare change. The thing that floored me more than once was when a couple of guys had signs that didn't read your average "Homeless, spare change needed, God bless you" type of thing. One said "It's hot! A beer and cheeseburger would be nice right about now" and my favorite, " I need your change for: a meal, alcohol, and a prostitute - and not necessarily in that order". What a guy! None of that "Please help me I have a 3 year old living in a bus station" kind of story. This man knew what he wanted and he wasn't ashamed to be up front about it. You would think expressing needs like that would get you nothing, but the funny thing was - his cup was the fullest out of all I've seen.
Rumor has it that the Las Vegas Tourism board could have members that answer to the name of Knuckles, and Ice-Pick. With that said, I want to make it very clear here that these are my personal opinions and my intention was never to insult anyone or condemn Vegas in general. I realize that a lot of people find this town exciting but I just don't find it my cup of tea. I felt compelled to say this because I'd really hate to have a guy named Tank Calabrese (of the New Jersey Calabrese's) show up at my door some night attempting to liberate me.
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