I've been a bad, bad boy

I used to think that one day I would follow Buddhism more closely.  I can honestly say that I could adhere to the five precepts but after receiving a bit of information on a past archenemy of mine, that idea looks like it's about to get shot straight to hell!

Practice the training of mindful speech, refrain from harmful speech.  This would be precept number four and one that since I consider myself more mature than I was twenty years ago, I feel I can certainly live with.  Or can I?  I once knew a man who told me to surround myself with positive thinking people and eliminate the negative from my life totally.  "Negative thinking people suck the life out of you" he would say.  And he was right.  Within minutes of standing around and listening to people like this you find yourself buying into their rubbish and making comments about everything around you.  But when I recently heard about a certain individual who has backed himself into such a corner that there's really no escape, I jumped in feet first.  Comments abound, I didn't hold back my elation for his recently acquired hardship.

This does nothing for my moral fiber.  If anything it destroys any shred of decency that I once thought I had.  But there's a certain amount of pleasure one gets when an absolutely horrible person is now found on their knees.  It feels pretty good when once in time you didn't amount to an amoeba on the ass of a fly in this person's eyes and now you are the one still standing.  When someone has historically questioned your morals and decisions and everyone around you, only to later find that they contradicted everything they've said by their own actions.  This can be quite gratifying.

Forgive me if I seem to be gloating here.  I've always felt strongly that no one deserves to be unhappy, ill-stricken, or hungry and I still subscribe to this wholeheartedly.  But in this particular case it's taking just about every ounce of energy in me to find it in my heart and mind to forgive.  I'm usually not a cruel person so I can only chalk it up to the hockey player in me since retribution was a defensive lineman's middle name.  And before I get every player in North America lined up at my doorstep to either sue me for defamation of character or punch the living tar out of me, let me make it clear that I am not speaking for all hockey players when I say this.

Still, after all the elation has subsided and the little voice of reason speaks up, it's something I nor anyone else in this type of situation should be proud of.  And I'm going to try to hear this voice over the sadistic laughter that usually drowns it out.  It's no surprise that this person was a pain in many people's rear quarters, not just mine.  And I know for a fact that there are others who upon hearing this news began to feel like I do.  In the end you can paint it any color you like and lay blame on who or whatever you choose but it's still wrong.  Regardless of what god you worship I have to think he/she would frown on it.

Fortunate

The dictionary defines fortunate as having good fortune; receiving good from uncertain or unexpected sources; lucky.  After this past year I would think that to say I'm fortunate would be an understatement.

With winter setting in and the holidays approaching it's once again time to reflect on our past, ponder the future, and celebrate everything that we have.  And for those of you who know me and know that I rarely talk this way, let it be clear that I truly mean this and it's not some she-she line that I stole from another writer.  Many things from this past year have me feeling extremely grateful for everything that I have.

My Father.

With every day that we grow older we realize that one day our time will come.  And I've always feared those telephone calls at unheard of hours of the morning, knowing it can't mean anything but trouble.  That call came a few months ago and shook me straight to my core.  "He's in the hospital" I was told, "Get there quick".

A stroke and a heart attack could have very easily taken him from us this year but despite the severity of his illness it proved not to be his time as he pulled through it much better than I anticipated.  With only small deficits left over from his experience he's got a new lease on life, and although he doesn't drive that well he's pretty much all intact.  Honestly, I don't think he could drive well to begin with but please don't tell him I said that.  In the end I couldn't be more thankful since in my line of work I see too many people go through this with much different consequences.  Frankly, on that car ride in to the hospital that morning I was prepared to write off who he once was but through his determination and a little help from the big guy upstairs it looks like he'll be sticking around a while longer.

Livelihood

Job, home, food, and clothing, we still have them all and I wake up thankful every day for it.  It seems like everyone around me is losing something in these trying times.  Their job, retirement funds, homes, their sanity!  With this economy being a mere shell of what it was eighteen months ago it's a wonder anyone has a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of.

Of my two jobs, I seriously thought that one would be affected more than it has.  It's a safe bet to say that working on a rescue squad has its benefits since we'll always have sick people to deal with.  But auto racing? that's just disposable income and we all know that in hard times these are the areas that are first in line for cut-backs.  On the contrary, we planned and followed through with an expansion of our building when most companies were closing their doors.  It's a good thing for us that people will still do anything for their toys.  It's because of them that I can still put food on our table.  If I could thank each and every one of you I would.

Family

This could very easily have fallen under livelihood since I'd be absolutely lost without them.  And without my wife in particular, everything I said about having a roof over my head would be a moot point.  If I didn't have her to constantly make me aware of the fact that I don't take home a half million dollars a year, I'd more than likely spend every dime I made.  Yes boys I'm the spender in the family, not my significant other as the stereotype often goes.

I've got plenty to be thankful for when it comes to my children.  Even though my daughter has reached her teens and my son has begun driving I've still managed to keep my sanity, teach them what I can, love them unconditionally, and get a few hours of sleep each night.  Soon when they're both totally mobile I'll probably see next to nothing of them and then in an instant, they'll be gone.  It's going to happen sooner than I ever imagined and as lost as I'll feel without them, I'll be grateful for every waking moment I had with them.

The moral of this story is more than just some cliche' phrase.  Never underestimate what you have.  This should be something that you realize every single day of your life and not just during the holidays.  You may not have a big new house, a car, or money.  You may not even have a large circle of friends.  But if you have family, you have everything you'll ever need.  I've always told my kids that friends are important, but especially in their young lives friends will come and go like the seasons.  At the end of the day, your family will always be there for you. 

But there are plenty of people out there who have no family, and for individuals as fortunate as us this is something that is heartbreaking to even imagine.  whether their family members have passed away or parted ways, there are plenty of folks out there who are alone.  I met one such person recently and it was both a somber experience and as odd as it sounds, very gratifying for me.

While working on the rescue squad this past weekend, we responded to an elderly man who had fallen in his home.  His injuries didn't appear to be life threatening, but he was a bit shaken up and agreed to go to the hospital to be looked at.  While en route with a patient we always strike up friendly conversations to help pass the time.  And being close to Christmas, the ice breaker for this shift was whether or not your shopping was done and if you were ready for the holidays.  "As ready as I'll ever be" he quietly replied.  I went on to ask if it was going to be a large gathering or something small, and if he had to travel or if he was hosting the event.  "Nope, just me" he said.  "My friends have all passed away and aside from my daughter in Florida, I have no one else".  Not seeing the forest for the trees, I kept up with the conversation until it awkwardly became clear to me that his daughter hasn't spoken to him in many years.  This revelation was sad in itself but being one week from Christmas it made his situation that much harder to grasp.  Christmas is so profoundly family oriented and here's someone who is going to spend it alone.  When he has family no less!

I was deeply affected by this guy and his situation for days and it wasn't until I began writing this article that I realized he had given me a gift.  He had opened my eyes and put everything in perspective for me.  Never again will I take for granted what I have and the relationships that I keep with others.  And though I have no clue why his relationship with his daughter got to where it is, nor am I implying that he was of any fault, I am going to try even harder at being the best husband, father, and friend that I can.  Petty instances between my own daughter and I have escalated to unhealthy levels before and maybe this old timer was a ghost of Christmas Yet to Come.

Not if I can help it.

Commencing Countdown, Engines On

Over thirteen years ago I clipped and saved a short article written by Cory Farley of Autoweek magazine (March 4, 1996, The Plight of the Navigator). It was a story of his trials and tribulations in training his own son to drive.  Back then, my oldest hadn't even reached his second birthday but knowing that this day would find us quicker than I could probably imagine I decided to hang on to it.  So here I am, over a decade later I pull the yellowing copy from my briefcase and smile.  Exactly one month from today we will embark on my son's journey out onto the blacktop jungle.

Actually since that day I have amassed a good sized collection of articles on the topic of teen driving.  The reason that this particular story got my attention is because like Mr. Farley, I have driven in the triple digits before with family in tow.  I took the "racetrack road" that my kids suggested when we left our house, listening to their laughter as we would glide through a corner a bit faster than the posted limit.  I pulled the parking brake on snow and spun us into the driveway like only the finest rally driver would.  I've even rolled a car once.  Relax! I was twenty years old and single.  No children or spouses were harmed in that particularly embarrassing moment in time.  And now with a long line of events in my life that my kids are all too aware of, I'm forced to play the "Do as I say not as I do" card.  God what a hypocrite!

One thing unique to my situation that Mr. Farley didn't have is a child who has logged a substantial amount of time behind the wheel of a race vehicle.  At ten years old my son was moving along at speeds upward of sixty miles per hour before I even took the playing cards out of my spokes as a kid!  What I can't quite figure out though is if this fact should assure me of his respect of a motor vehicle or if it's going to turn out to be the kiss of death.

I've been told that I'm certifiable if I buy into the fact that he's going to be safer than those without his training.  That when I let him loose he'll tear around town like the whole world is his racetrack.  And that he'll obviously drive much faster than the other kids because he's more comfortable at high speeds.  On the contrary, I feel that ignorance and a lack of respect for your new steed is the perfect combination for disaster.  On my first night with my license I had managed to take about thirty-thousand miles off my father's tires on his Cutlass and about ten years off the transmission.  I had seen burn outs at the drag strip and heard of this thing called a neutral drop but never experienced them first hand.  By about 11pm on that night I had become a pro.  And by some miracle of God I didn't kill myself or take anyone with me in the process.

After reading that article for the first time back in '96 I had the whole orientation planned out for him.  But given his resume to date I'm thinking there may be no need for me to pull a parking brake on him to see how he reacts, or take him to a snow covered parking lot to feel the tail come around.  He's experienced this already in spades, and at a quicker and much more violent rate than a clumsy two-thousand pound car would.  What I do need to do is remind him that not everyone is moving in the same direction as he is.  And with people texting, blasting their stereo, and fixing their faces while driving, this environment is ten times more dangerous than any race track he's driven on.  Even at a substantially reduced pace the behemoth that you pilot out in the real world- with its doors, roof and sound steel structure- could very well hurt or kill you much easier than anything you've experienced before in competition.

I think the hardest thing for me to teach him is going to be to trust that gut feeling which warns you of impending doom.  You know that over anxious and sometime nauseous feeling you get which is quickly followed by a little voice telling you that you're going too fast for the turn ahead.  That same voice that asks if the guy parked on the side of the road (who happens to be turning his wheels into traffic) has checked his mirrors and sees you coming.  Or those moments when you're at an intersection and you get the green light.  You pause for a brief second, check both ways, and then proceed through the intersection after an idiot blows the red light and damn near takes you out of the picture.  You can make your new driver aware of these situations but honestly how do you truly teach them?  They're just going to have to experience it, have a few close calls, catch their breath, and with time they'll become second nature.

The old saying goes: What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.  But when it comes to the responsibility of driving, even if we survive the event, we could be left with the incredible guilt of hurting another individual.  We ourselves could become so badly injured that we are restricted to a hospital bed and a ventilator.  And if we're lucky, maybe a wheelchair and feeding tube.  I just hope he realizes this because even though he's had several years behind the wheel of his kart he's also had the luxury of a reset button on his Xbox.  But in real life, and especially out on our roads and highways, there are no do-overs.

Another year, another reminder

Eight years ago this great country of ours came under attack and like most of us I still can't totally believe what happened on that beautiful fall morning.  The enormous amount of innocent lives lost, and for the survivors, the lost feeling of ever being safe here at home again.  These cowards delivered a sucker punch that left us still reeling all these years later but they didn't win.  We haven't forgotten and we never will.  But for most of us we've brushed ourselves off and got on with our lives.

At least as well as we could.

I remember how quiet it was in the skies for days after the attacks when all flights were grounded.  Our skies are now once again filled.  I can recall many instances of hearing about letters being delivered with a suspicious powdered material on them.  You don't hear of this much anymore.  And security measures which were once so strict you almost loathed going to an airport are now less critical than they once were.  We're getting on with our lives alright, but I hope we don't get too comfortable in doing so.

Don't get me wrong.  These maggots would have won if we were still shaking uncontrollably and biting our finger nails and I'm glad we're not.  But these groups who hate us so bad haven't left their drawing boards for a minute.  And they could set our world on its ear in an instant if we give them the chance.  We have to enjoy life but with a bit of vigilance.  We need to make certain that events like this don't happen again in our lifetime nor our children's.

Everyone everywhere knows what they were doing at that moment in their lives.  Just like the generation before me knows what they were doing when JFK was killed, and the generation before that when Pearl Harbor was bombed.  These things were unfathomable, and especially hard to believe that it could happen right here on U.S. soil.  But they did happen here, and it just goes to show that even the largest of super powers can have a chink in its armour that could bring it to its knees.  All of us are key components that make up the armour of this great nation.  Young and old, serviceman and civilian alike, we all have a part in keeping ourselves safe from monsters who threaten the sanctity of a free world.

Below you'll find a collection of pictures taken on my family's last trip to New York city.  The 9/11 museum came highly suggested by a family member of mine who had visited the city shortly before us.  Back in 2001 we all knew how big of a disaster that day was when we watched the events unfold on our tv screens.  But for me it wasn't until I saw ground zero and got to view all of the items collected from the site that I truly realized the magnitude of that tragedy.  It was much larger than I ever imagined and very overwhelming to say the least.  You couldn't help but have mood swings from utter sadness to bitter anger.  I was warned that the exhibit left not one dry eye but thought that I'd be different.  I was wrong.

A portion of one of the planes that hit the WTC.

An SCBA bottle from one of the New York firefighters.







What's left of an FDNY turn out coat.










Tools recovered.

Notice the pistols literally fused to one another.






A steel column from One WTC.










Ladder/Engine Co. 10 located directly across the street from ground zero.


The bronze memorial wall on the side of 10 House.

Go ahead, bite the Big Apple

We bit it a month ago when my family and I decided that the big city was going to be this year's destination for our annual getaway.  And I'm pleased to say we liked it!  Some more than others, but all in all it was definitely something to see.

Up until this year I was the only one in the family who had ever been there.  About thirty years ago to be exact, but some of that trip was still in my mind and I knew we'd find something for each of us to enjoy.  Heck, with the ethnic diversity alone it would make for some great people watching wouldn't you think?



Racing has taken up a lot of our time over the past five years and a family trip of this sort has always taken a back seat to our weekend endeavours.  We were determined to not let this year go by in the same fashion so about four months ago we began looking at our options.  Everything up to this point included a giant mouse in Florida so with our already grown family, and the fact that we wanted to keep it a bit more *affordable, New York was what we landed on.

*Regarding affordable, outside of a screamin' deal on airfare (which we upgraded anyway to better seats) there was not much that was "affordable" about this trip.  But hey, when you're in a city with non-stop entertainment and rents for apartments going two to three times more than my mortgage, You can live with it.

Like any trip into uncharted lands there was some apprehension.  Oh we've contemplated the complexity of their mass transit system, the looming threat of a crime waiting to happen around every corner, and the fact that when you've seen one large building you've probably seen them all.  We were told that New York City in August would be unbearable.  Warm temperatures forecasted for our week would make an already irritable town even more jumpy, but I have to say that this nor any of these fallacies were true.  The people were generally hospitable, the weather not bad, and we rode the subway system like pros after only a couple of trips.  And with the amount of uniformed police officers around at all hours we never once felt unsafe.











After all of the typical stops were made- Times Square, the Empire State Building, and Ellis Island, I had one of the best times just strolling through Central Park and the surrounding neighborhood.  We had to swing by the Dakota to see John Lennon's digs and I have to say that the architecture on that building and many others around it were absolutely stunning.  This day trip did rival our time at Yankee Stadium watching the Bronx Bombers humiliate Seattle.  My son and I took the train straight uptown on a gorgeous Sunday afternoon and got the best seats I feel I will ever find in a stadium.  And by accident I might add!  It's a bit of a long story to go into but let me just say that if you find yourself at the ticket booth empty handed at game time, ask for the Cafe Bleacher seats.  These seats are normally a minimum of $150 a seat but at game time they shrink to just $50 and have all the amenities of much more expensive tickets.

So there you have it.  In my mind there's no need to worry about navigating this town, everything is laid out quite easily I had thought.  At least Manhattan is.  The boroughs weren't bad either but nothing beats a strip of land 7 miles long and three miles wide.  And with destinations at 42nd and Third, how can you go wrong?

Bring on the Big Guns

My heart has always been in road racing but my soul belongs to the NHRA.  Long before I ever strapped myself into a race car I was at the local dragstrip watching the grudge matches, or a few blocks off of highway 100 doing some runs of my own.  This past weekend my family and I got to take in the circus otherwise known as the Full Throttle NHRA Nationals in Joliet Illinois.  Three days of tire smoke, Nitromethane fumes, and enough percussion to crack your sternum.

I attended my first pro event just a few years ago with my son at this very same track.  Until then I had only witnessed this caliber of competition on the TV screen and boy let me tell you it does no justice to the sport at all.  I explained this to my wife and daughter on the drive down and still had the impression that they had no idea of what to expect once we got there.

Armed with all of the hearing protection one could ask for, we made our way to the stands just as the Top Fuel Funny Cars were taking the grid.  And as I expected, the first pair off the line made the two of them jump nearly out of their skin.  Ok, I did a bit too.  After all its been five years since I had last been there.

You can't really explain the feeling other than what one must feel like when a bomb goes off in front of them.  The atmosphere around you literally explodes to the point that your insides feel every shockwave.  The stands literally sway when one of these behemoths take off.  Even with good hearing protection you find yourself a bit weak from the sound after one full day at the track.  And if you're not used to it, the smell of burning rubber and nitro can be a bit much for some.  I myself feel that if they could bottle it, I'd wear it after every shower.




The Dragsters and Funny Cars always steal the show but it was Pro Stock Motorcycle that was the highlight for us this time around.  In the past my daughter would sit at home and watch the races on tv with me and always say that she was interested in doing this some day.  Bringing her to the track to see first hand what it takes to pilot one of these things, and the speeds involved in which they do it, would not prove to deter her one bit.  It wasn't until I explained what it cost to be competitive at this level did she say she didn't want to do it.  That's my girl, always worried about the check book balance.


We were particularily drawn to a new rider from California by the name of Katie Sullivan.  A relative newbie to the scene, she wanted to ride PS motorcycles since she was twelve years old as well.  After talking with her for a while she had told us that her climb to the pro ranks was a slow one, but considered herself quite lucky on the contrary.  Had she and her father not met the Gann family in Las Vegas she never would of got her break into the pros.  Now, at the tender age of 18 she is going toe to toe with the best.  She actually beat one of the top seeded riders to move on to round two but unfortunately for her that was where her charge came to an end.  She was eventually beaten by another rider and sent home early.  Something tells me she'll be back.


And Money.  We all know it takes a lot of it to get anywhere in this sport, and after this weekend we know where a lot of the checks are being written to.  It still amazes me that in our current economic climate we still see teams with three and four semi trucks loaded to the gills with everything one would need to perform their job out on the road.  Several of the bigger name teams would even have one truck dedicated to hospitality alone.  Vast areas dedicated to nothing but feeding and entertaining the folks who pay their bills.

So with that I have to say goodbye to my beloved straightliners and return to the sanctity of my left, right, go, stop world.  These tickets that I recieved for this event were courtesy of Goodridge USA which is one of the largest suppliers of high performance hose and plumbing products in the world.  I thank you again for this opportunity to take in one of the greatest shows on earth.

The world according to Gus, Part II

Ah the old double standard.  Do as I say, not as I do.  I've heard adults say this all of my life and it never really sank in until recently. Now that I'm an adult and a parent, I realize that we don't exactly know everything either.

I'm beginning to see that I'm a bit of a hypocrite myself when I talk to my kids lately.  They're at the age now when questions like "did you ever smoke", "did you ever try that", or "when did you start doing this" are arising.  What in the world is a person to say!  I can't just spill my guts now can I?  And I can't make matters worse and lie to them either.  This wasn't covered in the how-to manual of raising a happy and healthy teen.  Oh wait there isn't one.  That's what makes this job so damn hard!

I've preached about the need for total honesty with one another from birth and I still do it today.  I've always told them that we have nothing without honesty.  And I've assured them that no matter what the infraction, there will be a far lesser penalty enforced if they come clean with me.  During any situation and regardless of the circumstance, I sure hope they remember this when they find themselves somewhere doing the same things I did when I was let off my leash over thirty years ago.  Or when a ride home is needed at 1am because your friends aren't in any shape to drive.

But to help guide them in their ways I wanted to paint a picture of their father being the straight laced kid who listened well and stayed out of trouble.  A person they can look up to as someone who knew right from wrong and chose the high road whenever possible.  Someone who was not so easily swayed by the decisions and actions of his peers and didn't succumb to the pressure to "just try it, you won't get hooked".  A guy who knew what the legal drinking age was and waited to take that first sip.

So much for honesty.

I grew up in a middle class family of two working parents.  Comparing my life with my children to the life I had with my parents when growing up is a stark contrast to one another.  I do more with them, and have done more with them to this age than my folks did with me in my entire life.

I'm fine with this.  I'm not in therapy, and I don't feel like I was short changed in my upbringing.  My wife and I have been blessed for the most part with decent jobs that allow us plenty of time to be with our own kids and in my parents defense they had to make due with what they had.

My father worked about every shift a man could get to bring home a paycheck and disposable hours spent doing anything else were few and far between.  And it wasn't like I contributed much to help with the weekly chore list and eliminate other responsibilities that he had on his time off.  My mother briefly took time away from the workforce to raise my sister and I but quickly returned when we could wipe our own rear ends. And she still continues to work full time today.

There was also the fact that their era was more concerned with raising their kids right rather than trying to be their best friends.  They were, and their parents were, the iron fist of reason who provided food and shelter first and fun and games later.  I honestly believe that my generation is having some of the problems with our children today because we are failing to recognize this one fundamental fact.  Our jobs are to first help them become intelligent, honorable individuals before we give them everything that their heart desires.  We have grown so used to saying that we want our kids to have everything we didn't that we are setting them up for failure on a much larger scale.

When it came to sports, When I was a kid you had to try out for the team.  If you failed, you tried even harder next season.  Now, there are three volleyball teams in my daughter's middle school to accommodate all of the students who've signed up for it.  Notice I said signed up.  Anyone with a pen and a pair of shorts and gym shoes are welcomed.  And let me say that after many painful matches watching kids who had absolutely no skill at all I found it hard to understand what it is that these schools are trying to do (or not do).  God forbid we should damage them for life and cut them from the team for not performing.  This is preparing them for life?  Maybe life on another planet but surely not mine.  I mean in the real world we all get the jobs we want at the salaries we need, right?  We all can now qualify for home loans above and beyond what we can actually afford and we're never turned down for anything anymore.  Instead of taking a proactive look at things and educating our kids on how the system works and what to expect in life, we have become a society of yes-men who give virtually everything to anyone and let them worry about the repercussions later when they fail.

It's like these goof ball liberal parents who feel that their children are going to drink anyway so as long as they do it at home they're fine with that.  This frame of mind has to be the most asinine thing I've ever heard.  Instead of teaching them what's right from wrong, convincing them that you can still be the life of the party without drugs, and letting them know that you can be very cool by just being yourself, they are giving them permission to begin their downward spiral in the safe confines of their own living room.  Remember folks, we were all that age at one time.  Half the fun of doing it was when it was wrong and there was an element of risk.  At home or not at home, It's all wrong.

So what am I going to do when the questions become more specific and I can't tap dance around the subject?  I'm going to have to practice what I preach and tell my kids the truth.  I made my mistakes and I paid for them.  And in some instances my friends, who were not as lucky as me, paid for it with their lives.  I was the lucky one.  Nevertheless I was stupid, and put my parents through undue stress, but I survived.  And that's no guarantee that they will be as lucky.

I'll tell them of the countless kids we pulled from cars injured in accidents.  Some drunk, and some taking a ride from a drunk. I'll explain to them what a family looks like when they watch EMT's work on their teenage child who nearly died from a heroin overdose.  And I'll tell them how bad I felt after my first binge and what liberties were taken away from me by my father in doing so.

And all the while I say this I know that I'll be the hypocrite who did these things himself and forbid them from doing the same.  But with a watchful eye, an open line of communication, and trust in them with a mutual respect of each other, I can only hope that they do the right thing.  And with a little luck I too will have two kids who survived their younger years.

After me, anything is possible.