Your tween, or teen, arrives home from school and you lovingly greet them and ask how their day was. an array of inaudible grunts bellow from them or worse yet, in their most irritated look they ask why is it that you have to ask so many questions.
Dinner has just finished and while everyone is doing their part in cleaning up you simply ask if anyone has homework and if so, have they completed it. Then as if you've asked them to move mountains for you, they angrily say that either A.) they do and they'll get it done, just stop worrying about it, or B.) they'll get it done in study hall and ask you to please stop nagging them!
Or how about this. Your daughter is dressed up like an angel. Her hair and nails are done, and she's ready for her first formal high school dance and she's going with a boy who is a bit older no less. Like any concerned parent you ask how the two of them are getting there, if he's going to take you to dinner, and what your plans are for the night. Before you can even finish the last sentence, or click the first picture, she starts with the "why are you so nosey" thing and wonders why you can't just trust them and give them their space.
The answer is plain and simple. It's because I care. And any level headed, concerned, caring and loving parent would say the same. Us old folks understand space, hell we need it sometimes ourselves. And nosey? How about wanting to still be a part of your life! It's rough on someone when their child starts to mature and shows that they need their parents less and less. But we don't do the things we do to control you or make your life miserable, we do it because we care.
My son has been driving for a few months now and I don't think a day goes by where I don't preach to him about the importance of safety belts, looking both ways, and keeping his distractions to a minimum. I know he's wondering why I have to continually remind him of this stuff when (in his mind) he's a seasoned veteran with over one hundred races in the past seven years behind the wheel of a kart. I have to keep reminding him though that everyone going in the same direction, even at much higher speeds, is usually a lot safer than slower traffic moving in opposite directions.
I just finished reading an eye-opening article the other day about the staggering amount of teens that are dying on our nation's streets and highways. The enormity of this problem is made crystal clear when this 2006 article explained that since the Iraq invasion in 2003 there were 2600 American troops killed in combat. In that same period, over 22,000 teenagers ages 15 to 19 died in traffic accidents on U.S. roads. So when I seem like a broken record and constantly warn you about the dangers that lurk around every corner I do it because I care. And statistics like that make it no easier on us.
Now I haven't been given any reasons yet to doubt my new driver, or the one who will follow him, but this week I felt inclined to put my expectations of them on paper and have them sign their life away. Or hopefully in this case, their life to keep. Nothing too complicated, and pretty easy for a teen to understand, or am I giving them too much credit? You be the judge.
The XXXXXXX Family Driving Contract
I, (_______________________________) Hereby agree to the stipulations stated below granting me the privilege of driving. If at any time I should violate this agreement, my driving privileges could be forfeited until further determination is made by my parents and/or the authorities, if involved.
1. Should I get a traffic ticket, I agree to pay for the ticket, as well as the difference in the insurance premium for as long as the premium is in effect.
2. I agree to pay for damages that I incur which are not covered by insurance.
3. At no time will I ever drink alcoholic beverages and drive, nor will there ever be any in the vehicle.
4. I will not drive any vehicle until I and all passengers have buckled up.
5. I will keep the vehicle I drive clean, inside and out, and be aware of its needs for gas, oil, etc.
6. At all times, whether driving or parked, my music will be played at a low level as to not distract my driving as well as the peace of others. I will also pull to the side of the road when texting or calling someone on my cell phone in the case of an emergency. Otherwise my phone will be OFF while the car is in gear.
7. And as it pertains to taking rides from others, I will never enter a vehicle where the driver (or any of its occupants) are impaired by drugs and/or alcohol. I understand that in doing so I could not only jeopardize my safety, but forfeit the privilege of my own license if this is discovered.
I have read the above agreement and sign it in accordance with these rules.
Signed,
(Parent)____________________________ Date ________
(Student)___________________________ Date ________
I found something that resembled this document in an old Autoweek magazine article and just massaged it into something that I'm hoping we can all live with. I say this tongue-in-cheek as its become very clear that I need to take a dose of my own medicine. Just a mere two days after he signed it I took a cell phone call while we were out on the road and was immediately reprimanded by both of them for it. It's great that they remembered the rules and made them very clear to me, I guess they are listening after all. So much for leading by example.
But in the end it really doesn't matter how old you are, you'll always be concerned about your own. How many people out there are still hounded by parents (more than likely Mom) on a daily basis? You can only tell her so many times that things are alright and everyone is doing fine before it begins to get a bit monotonous, right? But you'll most likely do it to your children when they've grown, and it's for no other reason than why your own mother is calling you. It's because we care.
And if you think a lack of this kind of "bother" will make your world a much more peaceful place then regardless of whether you're young or old I beg you to think again. You really need to reevaluate your situation and thank god that you have someone who cares. There are far too many people in this world who do not, so it shouldn't be such a monumental task to realize that your issue with our being nosey is really a blessing in disguise.
