So here I am in a neighbor's backyard enjoying a family get together this past holiday when grown men and women begin to dance drunk on tables, stumble all over the place, and in most cases make complete fools of themselves. My inability to comprehend what is wrong with these people is quickly trumped by the even bigger question of just what the hell happened to me?
Not too long ago nor in a galaxy far far away this would have been par for the course in my life's handbook. I'd overindulge in every food, elixir, substance, and event that I could get my hands on. I'd go out three nights a week to play hockey, close a bar afterward, and make it to work by 7am. I'd be a bit worn around the edges but by noon I'd be planning the evening ahead. From Friday night through Sunday I would be either on the lakefront or in a club with my friends. And when I began racing, I was at the track every weekend and you guessed it, drinking with my buddies at the end of each race day. All that mattered back then was having a good time. And of course, I was much younger and had no family obligations or the responsibilities that I have now.
We all have to grow up. Or should I say it's inevitable that we must grow old but not everyone will necessarily mature in the process. I can honestly say I now believe this after witnessing first hand on that night how some people conduct themselves. I find it hard to believe that a parent can effectively teach their kids about the dangers of substance abuse when they're doing shots and keg stands themselves. I know a couple who swore off alcohol a while ago as their kids approached the tween years. When they told us about this it came as somewhat of a shock to me. The mother of these children was a close friend of mine when I was growing up. She was also one of the undisputed party legends of our time but it was now more important for her and her husband to set the proper example for their kids than carry on with this behavior. If at first I didn't quite understand it, I can now say its become crystal clear to me and I respect them for doing it. But this article was not meant to preach the dangers of alcoholism or the behavior it spawns so I digress.
It's hard to let go of the carefree and somewhat reckless person we all were in years past. Everything was new back then and even situations as mundane as staying out past the time the street lights came on brought excitement and wonder to all of us. I remember my middle school having dances every Friday night in the gym. Here I am a thirteen year old man of the world who is trusted by my folks to walk several miles to school with my friends for a dance. And the possibility that tonight would be the night when that one girl would finally say yes to a dance was always imminent. "No need to drop me off mom, I got this one" was all that was said as I raced out to meet them. I even earned enough trust from my parents to let me go to the corner burger joint for food afterwards. The coolest thing in the world for a kid that age is when they can be gathered in one place late at night with all of their friends. Free to make their own decisions on who to sit with and what to order. No parents in sight and no rules. They're one step closer to being that adult that they always wanted to be treated like. If somebody could just get through to them and tell them that these are the best days of their lives and they shouldn't rush growing up then... Oh wait hang on! we've all been told that. And none of us listened.
Annie Potts' character in the movie Pretty in Pink said it best when she asked why we couldn't all start off old and grow young. You always complained about not being treated like an adult when you were growing up, and now that you are one you can't help but wish for days past. In my life, I can't remember at what point things like being out late with friends became just that and nothing else. When holding hands and going for a walk didn't quite feel like it did back then. When all that was new and exciting became routine and colorless.
I'm not implying that my life as an adult has become boring so I want to make this clear before my friends and family take me off their speed dial lists. I'm very happy with where I am right now but you have to admit that you too may have found yourself wondering from time to time where this innocence and it's associated feelings went. Is it just because we've been through everything already so the newness factor doesn't apply anymore? Could the reason be that we are so preoccupied with all the responsibilities that we've inherited as heads of our families that we don't take time to stop and smell the roses? Or are we concentrating so hard on keeping up with the Joneses and indulging our every materialistic need that we don't see that the best things in life are free and usually right in front of us. The answer is yes. When you're young you don't have a care in the world with mom and dad handling all of your worldly needs. Then you hit your teen years and things get complicated. Having so-and-so not notice you today in class can only rival what brand of jeans to buy on your stress meter. Next thing you know you're off to college and expected to start acting like an adult. It's somewhere between this point of your life when the dust settles on your last all nighter, and the moment when the doctor says "congratulations daddy it's a boy" do you start to feel this change. And I feel that I'm part of the majority when I say that I didn't have to change at that moment, I wanted to. I think a large percentage of new parents feel this way no matter how wild or mild mannered they were until that moment in time changed who they were forever.
Now the balancing act that you're up against is in trying to be a responsible adult while hanging on to the last shred of the youngster you once were. A sense of humor is everything in my book, and one of the last things that you have in being able to stay in touch with that inner child. Once you lose it then it's fish sticks at four, Wheel of Fortune at six, and a sponge bath before bed. And the only thing marked on your calendar that you have to look forward to is the beginning of each month when the bills have to be paid. I'll agree it's a pretty dark outlook and an overly sensational view at best but take a look at either a yuppie who works 20 hour days or an old grump who gets apples thrown at his house and you'll see someone who fits this profile.
I hate to sound like Master Po from the TV series Kung Fu but you really do have to live within every moment. Take each day one small step at a time and your journey will be much more fruitful. And you need to provide plenty of time for reflection and to remember the time when nothing brought more joy than the sound of the ice cream truck in your neighborhood and the sight of dad putting up the Christmas tree in your living room. Practice the art of staying young. Go for a walk hand in hand through the park at night. Go to a drive-in movie no matter what your age. Or have a glass of wine and dance on the table with your wife. Just don't do it in front of the kids please.
They held each other tight as they drove on through the night they were so excited.
We got just one shot of life, lets take it while were still not afraid.
Because life is so brief and time is a thief when you're undecided.
And like a fistful of sand, it can slip right through your hands.
1981- Rod Stewart's Young Turks
