Dear Santa Fed; Where's my bailout plan?

How did that old song go? All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth? Well at the rate that this economy is going I'm going to need that as well as a Federal bailout plan for myself.

It sounds kind of silly doesn't it? A bailout plan for little ol' me. But why should I be any different? Just like these mega-corporations today who are going under, I've made some bad financial decisions in my life too. The fact of the matter is that compared to the thieves who run these companies I don't posses half the business know-how that they do. I would think they could have seen this coming a long time ago and done something about it. But instead of doing something for the greater good of the client or the company, they all did what was best for themselves and their pocket books.

I once worked for a large company that practiced this way in their sales department and let me tell you it made me sick. Oh I was paid handsomely if I played by their rules, but at the end of the day I felt terrible about myself. Needless to say I ended up quitting when the first opportunity outside of the company arose. There was just no way that I could make my living that way. Paint it any color you like ladies and gentlemen but in my mind and many others like me if you're not totally honest with your customers then it's simply called stealing.

And here's where the line in the sand is drawn between Main Street and Wall Street. If I steal from my company and it goes under because of my actions I'll be told to clean out my desk just like you did. I'll hand in my credentials and get escorted out of the building just like you were. And I'll leave with my million dollar severance... wait, wait, wait, what the hell am I saying! Unlike your tight knit little network of cronies who'll bounce back as Chairmen on some other board, I'll have nothing. No job, no money, and probably no prospects either.

I've known high ranking officials of large companies who left their posts in shame only to fly under the radar and resurface elsewhere. I wish I knew how they do that, I'm still trying to check out a book in a library after not bringing back a magazine in 1973. And when their past is brought up, the most widely used statement I've heard by the accused or their lawyers is that it was a "victimless crime". It may help them sleep at night but my guess is it doesn't do anything for the families who lost every cent of their pensions.

No sir, unlike you there are consequences to be paid in my world. When I get into financial trouble I'm chalked up as another failure who didn't manage his checkbook properly. My demise would probably start with the utilities getting turned off and my credit cards being cancelled. Next comes the repo man to take my car, and it climaxes with a bank rep showing up to inform me that they're foreclosing on my home. Just like that, I'm out on the street with nothing. I heard that when the average Joe like me falls behind we can lose just about everything in 60 days. I'm honest, I work hard, and if I fall on hard times I can end up destitute in no time at all but others in this world seem to have nine lives.

So before I ever reach that point of total financial degradation here's what I'm proposing: I'm going to need the Federal Government to help me with a few things since I am a contributing factor to this economy as well and I'm in need of help just like the next guy. And since it really wasn't totally my fault that I'm in this situation, (just like Wachovia and Washington Mutual weren't) I'm asking for a little bailout plan of my own. One that has a few less zeros on it than the current fiasco you're dealing with.

1.) I'm going to need you to first help me with my credit card debt. God knows I've been a bit frivolous with my spending in the past and I've fallen a bit behind in keeping this balance down like I once did. Forgive me for this since I've found it increasingly hard to buy fuel for my vehicle anymore. Once you cut your paycheck up and pay the bills you don't really have that kind of cash laying around for a couple of tanks of gas a week. And those health care visits and co-pays really do add up for a growing family nowadays. After all I gotta stay healthy to make all that money to put right back in my fuel tank! I don't think I'm being unreasonable in asking for about $10,000 to cover this.

2.) Seeing that I had nothing to do with this entire financial debacle, Translation: I did my homework and realized what type of mortgage I could commit to and which ones that I could not, I'm asking you to make a check out to my wife and I in the amount of $50,000. This is the amount that we lost in the past three weeks on our 401K and I want it back. We have this crazy idea that someday we'd like to retire and I want to have some sort of confidence in the fact that we can do just that. I plan on working for another 25 years but don't misunderstand this as an invititation to take your time. I could use the interest.

3.) My last and most important request is that you start a college fund for my two children. Stick about $300,000 in a safe money market fund or a CD so I can be assured that they'll get the education that they deserve. Just like the sleazy banks who knew that the loans they were selling were probably never going to be paid back, I knew that there was no way that I could put enough money away on the side for my child's education. (I guess that makes us even) And since we don't live in a deprived part of town, nor did we have a philanthropist show up at our school and empty a boat load of money on our kids for a four year free ride, I'm gonna really need your help on this one.

I do feel bad to a certain degree for asking this of you. I've always had a hard time stomaching people in this world who are never accountable for their own actions and are always holding their hand out for something. You know those people? The ones who claim that because of their race, creed, color, age, or handicap they're owed something. And the louder they are the more they usually get. Well lately I've grown tired of seeing this happen with others so I guess I'm going to jump in feet first too. After all I belong to a forgotten part of your political agenda myself. I'm a middle class American who like my big corporate brother has made mistakes. And what's good for them should do just fine for me.

Contact me at your soonest convenience and I'll provide you with all bank routing information that you'll need.

I eagerly await your reply.

The greatest job on earth

So I'm asking myself, "Why did I sign on for this?"

It's hot and I'm already tired. I can't see all that well, and frankly at this time of the night I want nothing more than to be fast asleep at home in my nice warm bed. At least there I'm in a familiar environment among my loved ones. And about the only hostile situation that I could find myself in is if my wife finally loses her patience with my snoring. But instead, I'm in a strange place not knowing exactly where I'm going most of the time or if what I'm looking for is even there. You just rely on your training and a whole lot of luck in getting the job done safely for everyone involved.

Goin' in

It's dark! Unlike what you've seen on TV there's usually no light, not even much of a glow until you're practically on top of what you're looking for. So for the most part you conduct business on your hands and knees not knowing if the floor you're crawling on even exists where you're headed. And that heat I talked about, well it's now getting so high that even though you're encased in seventy five pounds of protective equipment you start to feel the tips of your ears burning. Then in an instant the room lights up and your objective is right there before you. You wonder how the hell it could have been hiding on you like that but before you give it any more thought your man on the nozzle opens the bale and a few moments later you're returned to darkness. When the smoke and steam subside all that's left is about two hours of overhaul and one more hour back at the station to clean up. Not a bad night, and all in the day of the life of a Firefighter. What I still consider today and for over twenty-five years to be the best job on earth.

An old beauty in Brooklyn



I actually became hooked back when I was around ten years old. I had an uncle on the department who was stationed a few miles away from where I grew up and I tried to visit him and his crew whenever I could. We also had a station situated a half mile from our house and conveniently located right next door to the public library. Plenty of sidewalks assured my mom that I could bike there safely by myself so convincing her to let me venture out on my own was not an issue. And on most occasions I would go there with my good friends Greg, Mike, and Danny. All kids who grew up on the same block as me and all of whom are firefighters to this day.

I can't speak for those old friends of mine but I changed my dream occupation about three hundred times since then. First it was a truck driver, then a pilot, pro race car driver, the San Diego Chicken, and the list goes on. I even thought at one point in my life that I wanted to be one of those pressed suit types. I'd sell junk bonds, telecommunications services, whatever it took to make my first million. But even though the money was good the work wasn't gratifying at all. Not even the thrill of landing that big deal would do it for me. I always found myself coming back to fire fighting.

In my life I've done an awful lot of different things since I began working back in high school but nothing brings as much satisfaction to me as this job. And what I once thought was an unnecessary necessity in the fire service - EMS, is actually some of the most gratifying work we do. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing that gets the heart beating like a fully involved structure fire but EMS on the other hand offers you situations where a job well done pays much larger dividends. Kids who will run and walk again after an accident, and grandparents who get a new lease on life to watch them grow. This was something I reluctantly bought into when I first began but something I now take more seriously.

But everything isn't always bright and cheery, and both sides of the business have their downsides as well. If you can't catch a fire early enough in it's stages then you've done nothing more than save the basement for the homeowner. Not a good situation to be in and one you'll most likely be reminded of for some time by the homeowner, the media, and neighboring departments alike. All it takes is one botched job and your reputation is bruised for years. On the EMS side of the house, if you can't catch a patient early enough in their stages of illness or injury then they die. And if you sift through all of the people who fell out of bed and can't get back up, or your unresponsive intoxicated individuals, you'll find the number one reason we respond is for cardiac related incidents, a very low percentage of which have happy endings. That kind of stress is responsible for many people I'm sure who have found themselves at a crossroads in their career wondering if it's all really worth it. Those who answer yes realize that it's something you have to learn to live with since there are so many variables involved, some of which are beyond our control and in the hands of a higher power. Some people learn quicker than others of how to deal with this and some never seem to get a handle on it. I'm not going to go as far as saying I'm calloused to it now, but I've learned to accept the outcome better than when I first started. I still think of one guy who we couldn't save in the early morning hours of Father's Day a few years back. We had worked him for over an hour and when the time had finally come to call it I really didn't feel comfortable or even ready to stop CPR. All I could think of was what that telephone call was going to feel like for that family on that particular day. I remember thinking that there had to be something else we could do, but I've relived that moment a hundred times over in my head and realized nothing more could have been done. Some one else was calling the shots that day and there wasn't anything we were going to do to change it.


When telling stories like this the next question on most minds is usually why and how can you do this if for the most part you're always seeing someone in their worst situations imaginable. And it's strange but after all this time I still fully can't answer that question. I once thought that it's because if I don't help, no one will. We all know that not to be true since we see and hear about acts of heroism all of the time by ordinary citizens. Giving back to the community? Maybe, but I can think of many other ways to do that without risking my neck and possibly leaving my wife a widow and our children without a father. And how about the excitement, and the fact that no two days are ever the same? Getting closer, but it's still not an honest reason I'd feel comfortable giving. A lot of men and women in this line of work have often described it as a calling, not just a job you choose, and I strongly agree with them. It has to be, when no other job you've had can compare to the honesty and integrity that you feel when doing this type of work then what else could it be? Hard to explain but easy to do.


In this industry we all have available to us at any moment, an internal support system which helps us get through the trying times. There are professional counseling groups of which we can call on, but it's usually your brothers at the house who are always pulling pranks and playing practical jokes on one another that helps lighten a situation and keeps you from going insane. This type of banter also helps in deciding what quality of an individual you have for personnel, especially new recruits. These are the times when questions regarding how the new candidate will handle the stress of the job are usually answered. If they can't handle a little ribbing around the station then how are they going to react when the shit hits the fan?

To mitigate these situations we train. And we do train a lot compared to some departments. There are times when we concentrate more on some subjects than others, take air bags for instance. We had an individual who was responsible for our company trainings a few years back who would set off automotive air bags on many occasions in the course of a year. Granted we all needed to know just how powerful these devices are and how we can keep ourselves in the safe zone when working around them. But I for one don't need to be told twice about something like this. Every door I open starts off with a quick scan of what I might have ready to blow up in my face, most of the time before ever touching the occupant(s). I've had the responsibility of working as the training officer for my department for close to two years now and I can say that I probably roll a few eyes back when I announce another Mayday training or self preservation course. Where air bags were the concern of my predecessor, getting out alive is my focus. After all, we are the best tool we have at our disposal and we need to assure our safety before ever going in to any hostile environment. And should any of us find ourselves in a precarious situation I want to make absolutely certain that all of the men know how to handle any adversary thrown at them. We try and mix it up by visiting the basics like hose streams and ventilation practices, but it always finds a way to come full circle and touch on safety. Like we say day in and day out "We all go home." I'm just trying to do my part to ensure this for all of us.

Josh, Big Jim, and I

I don't know any profession (other than organized crime, and is that even a profession?) where no one is known by their birth name. Visit any department and ask any crew and you'll find the men are known by some derivation of their last name or a nickname they were blessed with by their peers when they were most likely rookies. "Gus" was given to me because at the time when I came on board there were five guys named Mike on the department and a sixth was not in the plan. In my part time job with a rescue service I'm known affectionately as "Jelly" because no one could pronounce my last name. "It sounds a lot like Marmalade" someone told me, "But that's too long so we shortened it to Jelly!" I don't see myself as a Jelly but it could have been worse. Any way, official nickname etiquette strictly forbids you from naming yourself. Just like George Castanza couldn't pick T-Bone for himself, the name has to be given to you. Today we have Rozy, Wags, Cheeks, Big Jim, Bluto, and an Igor on my department. And good friends of mine from other cities include Scooter, Case, One Nut, and Cheeto. Almost sounds like the cast of West Side Story.

And those pranks and practical jokes are a common staple in the fire service and they can run rampant from time to time. Everyone and everything is open for attack and all men young and old are targets. We make it a point to never mess with any one's equipment but outside of that (and any unethical practices) everything is free game. I get an occasional stool placed beside my door of my truck since I'm deemed one of the more vertically challenged guys in the group. And some of us face a barrage of air soft gun fire just around bed time. We have a couple of guys on the rescue service that I moonlight with who refuse to just let it go at Good Night. Once everyone decides to retire for the evening you can expect a door to break open with you and your comrades being peppered with ninety mile an hour plastic shot. It's all in good fun and something we all do to break the monotony but I still think I've suffered some permanent nerve damage in my hands though.


Speaking of my hands, they're frozen stiff now. I mean literally hard! My crew and I have been sitting in this position for about five hours, each taking twenty minute shifts dumping thousands of gallons of water on a bowling alley that's gone up in flames. It's early February, in the middle of the night, and it's about five degrees outside. Everything is covered in a thick layer of ice and when it comes your turn to grab the nozzle you have to crack your gear free to gain some mobility. If it wasn't for the bowling balls rolling out the front door and down the street you wouldn't only be frozen stiff but bored stiff as well. Twelve hours later it's all under control and we finally get to go back home, clean up, and thaw out. It doesn't even cross my mind that if I was still one of those office types I'd be warm and dry right now, and probably better rested.

None of that matters to me though. I wouldn't have it any other way!

The lengths some people will go to come out on top

Sixteen my lily white Polish rear end!

It's one thing to corner the market with your substandard manufacturing of just about everything we consume, but to flat out lie about the age of your athletes? It just goes to show how far people will go at times to win.

A few hundred years ago your country used to be thick with honor and tradition and now it's looking more like it's made up of liars and cheats.

Enjoy your hollow victories my friends.

There's much more to life than racing?

If this is so, I can assure you that I didn't get the memo!

Honestly, I am beginning to see this more clearly though as my family and I embarked on our second annual trek up north for a week of camping, fishing, and overall relaxation. Every now and then it is nice to take the trailer out and know that I'm not going to have a ton of work expected of me in back. And thankless work I might add. My son, who is becoming more of a self proclaimed world champion everyday, usually brings the kart off the track and tells me he isn't fast enough. Suggesting that I figure out what's wrong, he'll then quickly retire up front for a nice meal, some air conditioning, and a color TV. Funny how the sound of Mel Brooks saying "It's good to be the King" echoes in my ears during these episodes. Anyway, we left the kart at home for a change and looked forward to some well deserved non-stressed family time.

OK I lied,

we did manage to fit an entire day in at Road America watching the pros do their thing. The ALMS boys were in town for the week and I just have to see them every time they come near. What, you actually thought I'd separate myself from the sights, sounds, and smells of a racetrack for a whole week? If you did, you obviously don't know me all that well. I figured it was only one day out of seven so I look at it like a baby step in the first tier of my long rehabilitation process.

So with a trailer loaded to the gills with food, bikes, bats, and balls, we left for the Plymouth Rock Campgrounds in lovely Elkhart Lake Wisconsin. Just over an hour later we pulled in and I have to say that for the first time in my life as a parent I never heard the words "Are we there yet?" muttered once. My kids must either be growing up or the small arsenal of electronic entertainment that they each had in tow must have been just enough to distract them. I sure do miss them both being little but I have to admit it's a welcomed change when you can go an entire trip without hearing that. It's hard enough piloting a fifteen thousand pound freight train in traffic as it is, let alone having your youngsters chime in every thirty seconds for an update on how much longer it's going to be until we get there.

The first day and a half was spent pretty much indoors due to rain. Not much was accomplished other than eating, drinking, and watching movies. Hey something I could have stayed home and done! After all there's far better accommodations there and I wouldn't have had to add to the OPEC retirement plan in the process. But we weren't about to let a minor setback like this ruin our time here. By Tuesday we would have absolutely fabulous weather that would stay with us clear through the week. Combine that with a vacation that wasn't planned with any one thing in mind and the only word I have for this is - Ahhhh.

Not having a schedule of things to do is the best way to do a vacation in my book. No matter how long you are gone or where you may go you owe it to yourself to do things in this low key less stressed way. I really enjoyed waking up each morning not knowing if I was going fishing, or for a bike ride or swim. We all really just did what we wanted to do at the moment. I guess if I had only a day or two in Rome I might have to prioritize things but other than that I think you should put the pencil down and take things as they come. It was really nice for a change to not have any structure and just do things on a whim.

I learned a few things that I didn't know prior to this outing as well. I now realize that my wife is so claustrophobic that she can't sleep in a ten by ten foot bedroom without the doors and windows being open. And no matter how large the room is, if you sleep in complete darkness (how I like it) she may as well be in a pine box! to keep a night light or even the television on is a must! I find this very strange but she's very serious about it. Taking a hard line on this wasn't going to solve anything so I opted to sleep on the couch for a few nights.

I also learned that my son is now noticing girls a bit more than I remember him ever doing. I heard him say "Hello Ladies" as we drove by a crowd gathered in a small town and I damn near pooped a masonry cube. It wasn't so much what he said but how he said it. There was a neck snap followed by more of a "Hellooooo Ladieeez". For a moment it sounded like I had Quagmire from the television series The Family Guy in my back seat. He used to be so shy and quiet about the opposite sex and now this! I guess I now know that my boy is becoming - well, a bigger boy. All I can say is that you let the cat out of the bag now pal! You very well could have been a wolf in sheep's clothing but you let your guard down and the old man is now onto you. After all I was in high school once before too sport.


Once the weekend arrived it was time for racing again. Only one day like I said but oh what a glorious day it was. When this series comes to town there's almost as much to enjoy off the track as well as the races going on itself. It's always neat to slip away for a moment and picture yourself behind the railing of one of these team's operations. We'd all love to be the driver who materializes from his million dollar motor coach just before the race but hey, I could handle being a crew member just as well. Have you ever seen the toys those guys have?

Everything about these teams is top notch, and top dollar. From the flooring that they bring for their pit spot, to the amount of spares on hand, and their elaborate pit carts that can offer two levels of seating to accommodate as many as eight crew personnel. A stark contrast to the team I worked with where two guys had a knee up on the pit wall with a handheld stopwatch! The Audi camp as always did not fail to impress. They, like many other teams, even bring a separate tractor trailer for their hospitality area alone. These lucky guys have chefs on hand cooking their food with other tables full of just fruit, fresh bread, and pastries. I'm walking by this at ten in the morning in 90 degree heat with a bowl of cereal in my gut? That ever widening gap between the haves and have nots is so apparent here.

So the race went on in typical fashion with Audi handing the rear ends to everyone on the track. A lot of people feel that this takes away from the sport by having such a dominant team in one series, and to some degree they may be right. But that all depends on which side of the fence you sit on. I'm not losing much sleep since I have been a fan of theirs for some time now.


And to cap off the week I once again entered the Tour De Road America bike ride for the Lance Armstrong Foundation. This was my second time here and I was bound and determined to better last year's results. If you remember from my last report, I had told you that the track crews were so busy getting in our way to repave areas of the course that the promoters had to shorten the event. I only got 20 miles behind me and felt good enough for double of that. But this year was not to be either. As strong as I felt, I only managed one additional lap before they shut down the course again on us. This year the race was moved to 7pm and with sunlight already on the down stroke, mere mortals like myself had to settle for around 24 miles. There were the usual gods of cycling who came down from the heavens with their ten thousand dollar bikes and their factory apparel and proceeded to lap most of us almost twice. Aggravating when it happens to you but nonetheless very impressive to watch these people who are at the top of their game. Not to take anything away from their athletic ability but having the right equipment is everything. My friend Tom Bartz who I rode with last year (and stayed ahead of) had brought his all carbon bike out this year and quickly became bored with my pace. Within a lap he was almost clear out of my sight and I never could quite recover. Honey, can I get one of those please?

So there's a week in the life. And ALMOST without racing being involved. Nor was there Firefighting or EMS calls. There were no pagers or company tones going off, and even more important - no schedule. I'll say it again, this is the way to go. And a way I have to admit I can't think I've ever done before. With our lives being so structured and our calenders so full, this kind of a getaway was a welcomed addition to our hectic life. I just wished it wouldn't have ended so soon.

Bonus photos

The kids searching for the big one!

Our new friend: Buddy the fat cat


Perfecting my ability to walk on water

Now if only I could change this into 40 fish!

My daughter, playing with fire again

And again

"Life without video games really does hurt"

My friend Tom and I at the start, We're in yellow

I swore I'd never wear spandex!

My new found thing that I do best

Do you feel this way too?

Not much of a story needed here is there? Only that I'm dipping into my kid's college fund just to afford fuel to get to mid Wisconsin for the weekend.

Pathetic isn't it?

Young hearts and the inevitable curse of growing up

So here I am in a neighbor's backyard enjoying a family get together this past holiday when grown men and women begin to dance drunk on tables, stumble all over the place, and in most cases make complete fools of themselves. My inability to comprehend what is wrong with these people is quickly trumped by the even bigger question of just what the hell happened to me?

Not too long ago nor in a galaxy far far away this would have been par for the course in my life's handbook. I'd overindulge in every food, elixir, substance, and event that I could get my hands on. I'd go out three nights a week to play hockey, close a bar afterward, and make it to work by 7am. I'd be a bit worn around the edges but by noon I'd be planning the evening ahead. From Friday night through Sunday I would be either on the lakefront or in a club with my friends. And when I began racing, I was at the track every weekend and you guessed it, drinking with my buddies at the end of each race day. All that mattered back then was having a good time. And of course, I was much younger and had no family obligations or the responsibilities that I have now.

We all have to grow up. Or should I say it's inevitable that we must grow old but not everyone will necessarily mature in the process. I can honestly say I now believe this after witnessing first hand on that night how some people conduct themselves. I find it hard to believe that a parent can effectively teach their kids about the dangers of substance abuse when they're doing shots and keg stands themselves. I know a couple who swore off alcohol a while ago as their kids approached the tween years. When they told us about this it came as somewhat of a shock to me. The mother of these children was a close friend of mine when I was growing up. She was also one of the undisputed party legends of our time but it was now more important for her and her husband to set the proper example for their kids than carry on with this behavior. If at first I didn't quite understand it, I can now say its become crystal clear to me and I respect them for doing it. But this article was not meant to preach the dangers of alcoholism or the behavior it spawns so I digress.

It's hard to let go of the carefree and somewhat reckless person we all were in years past. Everything was new back then and even situations as mundane as staying out past the time the street lights came on brought excitement and wonder to all of us. I remember my middle school having dances every Friday night in the gym. Here I am a thirteen year old man of the world who is trusted by my folks to walk several miles to school with my friends for a dance. And the possibility that tonight would be the night when that one girl would finally say yes to a dance was always imminent. "No need to drop me off mom, I got this one" was all that was said as I raced out to meet them. I even earned enough trust from my parents to let me go to the corner burger joint for food afterwards. The coolest thing in the world for a kid that age is when they can be gathered in one place late at night with all of their friends. Free to make their own decisions on who to sit with and what to order. No parents in sight and no rules. They're one step closer to being that adult that they always wanted to be treated like. If somebody could just get through to them and tell them that these are the best days of their lives and they shouldn't rush growing up then... Oh wait hang on! we've all been told that. And none of us listened.

Annie Potts' character in the movie Pretty in Pink said it best when she asked why we couldn't all start off old and grow young. You always complained about not being treated like an adult when you were growing up, and now that you are one you can't help but wish for days past. In my life, I can't remember at what point things like being out late with friends became just that and nothing else. When holding hands and going for a walk didn't quite feel like it did back then. When all that was new and exciting became routine and colorless.

I'm not implying that my life as an adult has become boring so I want to make this clear before my friends and family take me off their speed dial lists. I'm very happy with where I am right now but you have to admit that you too may have found yourself wondering from time to time where this innocence and it's associated feelings went. Is it just because we've been through everything already so the newness factor doesn't apply anymore? Could the reason be that we are so preoccupied with all the responsibilities that we've inherited as heads of our families that we don't take time to stop and smell the roses? Or are we concentrating so hard on keeping up with the Joneses and indulging our every materialistic need that we don't see that the best things in life are free and usually right in front of us. The answer is yes. When you're young you don't have a care in the world with mom and dad handling all of your worldly needs. Then you hit your teen years and things get complicated. Having so-and-so not notice you today in class can only rival what brand of jeans to buy on your stress meter. Next thing you know you're off to college and expected to start acting like an adult. It's somewhere between this point of your life when the dust settles on your last all nighter, and the moment when the doctor says "congratulations daddy it's a boy" do you start to feel this change. And I feel that I'm part of the majority when I say that I didn't have to change at that moment, I wanted to. I think a large percentage of new parents feel this way no matter how wild or mild mannered they were until that moment in time changed who they were forever.

Now the balancing act that you're up against is in trying to be a responsible adult while hanging on to the last shred of the youngster you once were. A sense of humor is everything in my book, and one of the last things that you have in being able to stay in touch with that inner child. Once you lose it then it's fish sticks at four, Wheel of Fortune at six, and a sponge bath before bed. And the only thing marked on your calendar that you have to look forward to is the beginning of each month when the bills have to be paid. I'll agree it's a pretty dark outlook and an overly sensational view at best but take a look at either a yuppie who works 20 hour days or an old grump who gets apples thrown at his house and you'll see someone who fits this profile.

I hate to sound like Master Po from the TV series Kung Fu but you really do have to live within every moment. Take each day one small step at a time and your journey will be much more fruitful. And you need to provide plenty of time for reflection and to remember the time when nothing brought more joy than the sound of the ice cream truck in your neighborhood and the sight of dad putting up the Christmas tree in your living room. Practice the art of staying young. Go for a walk hand in hand through the park at night. Go to a drive-in movie no matter what your age. Or have a glass of wine and dance on the table with your wife. Just don't do it in front of the kids please.


They held each other tight as they drove on through the night they were so excited.
We got just one shot of life, lets take it while were still not afraid.
Because life is so brief and time is a thief when you're undecided.
And like a fistful of sand, it can slip right through your hands.

1981- Rod Stewart's Young Turks

The "NO" List

Lately I'm finding that I'm becoming less tolerant of ignorant people, exorbitant prices on everything I buy, the lack of talent in the music industry, and traffic. Oh there's plenty of other things that get to me but these few are probably the things that concern me most. Before I go any further I have to ask that you not mistake this thread as just another negatively charged whine fest. I realize that occasionally I'll let emotions run the game and I find that some times I spiral out of control. Therefore after every rant that I go on I will lend what I feel is a small solution to the problem. It may not eradicate the situation but if anyone who feels the same way decides to contribute even the smallest of efforts, I have to believe we can have an affect on things. And believe in this I must, otherwise I am doomed to become that grumpy old man that people told me I'd be. The one that kids would throw apples at his house.

So now it's with great pleasure that I bring you what I affectionately call The "NO" List. And depending on what side of 30 years old you find yourself on you're sure to associate with one or two of them. Whether I entertain or enlighten you I'll confide in knowing that I've accomplished what I set out to do. If I offend anyone in the process all I can extend is my sincerest apology. My intentions were never to set out and crucify anyone here but if you sound like the person, the entity, or a corporation that I could be referring to you may have to take a good long look in the mirror and ask yourself if the shoe fits.


No Tom Cruise

This guy is really beginning to bug me. Scientologists in general, but this guy is the poster boy for crazy. I have to wonder every time he says anything if he honestly believes the garbage that comes out of his own mouth. to reference the fact that Scientologists are the only beings that can stop and help someone as they drive by an accident scene is ridiculous. Hey Tom, I'm a Firefighter and an EMT and I can say with all confidence that I myself as well as my brothers and sisters out there can manage just fine. And I don't know of a single Scientologist in the bunch. And it's not just the professionals but good Samaritans who stop and help as well. Contrary to your warped beliefs these people do exist in our world. So what do you and LRH think of that?

To insinuate that Scientologists are so much more supreme than others in this world is an absolute joke. But I guess when your shelling out an obscene amount of money for what you believe is enlightenment one is bound to cling to false promises and brain-washing to feel their self worth. This whole cult must be some pretty powerful stuff because they apparently have quite the following and can boast other big name celebrities like John Travolta, Halle Berry, and Wil Smith. All of these people I respect and enjoy as entertainers but what I can't understand is why are they so soft spoken while Tom is a raging lunatic? Does he believe in his mind that he's a couple thousand bucks short of becoming the next ultimate ecclesiastical authority? And if so, does his holiness Mr. Miscavige know of this?

My solution to this is simple. I'm boycotting all that is Tom, and you should as well. Owning his merchandise and seeing his movies at the box office just puts more money in this twisted little mad man's pocket. Money that will no doubt end up in the hands of his beloved cult and before you know it your entire sub division is buzzing with the rhetoric of these weirdos. I don't know about you but my neighborhood is no place for spaceships, aliens, or anal probes and I'd like to keep it that way.


No Drifting

What is this craze about watching these so-called athletes spin a car around a track on the verge of being totally out of control. Some might argue this very thing is what separates all other drivers from them in the fact that they, the Drifters, are on the very edge of the car's abilities at all times. I have to disagree. It's one thing to be able to perform at the threshold of your car's ability. Meaning going as fast as the vehicle will allow while being just one fraction of an inch from being out of control. This is what I would classify all drivers past and present who pilot purpose built race cars. Drifters on the other hand are always a fraction of an inch over that threshold while never really seeing the full potential of the vehicle. It's more like a circus side show if you will. Nothing more than a moderate speed ballet with a lot of tire smoke. If I wanted to see something like this I'd watch the wannabes leave the local dance club's parking lot at closing time.

Unfortunately I have no real solution to this one. There's nothing I can really do but ignore it if I don't enjoy it and hope that maybe someday the obsession will dwindle. I doubt it will happen anytime soon. This younger generation feels very strongly for their sport compacts and everything else that my generation believes to be nonsense. I can't fathom a drag strip that has more entries under two liters than the ground pounders of my time but that day is surely coming. Face it, all of the gearheads who enjoyed the muscle car days are dying off just as fast as the cars themselves. But it really doesn't matter whether it's cars, fashion, or music. Every generation in time has scratched their heads as to what the younger generation is thinking and I am undoubtedly no different.


No more appetite for oil

Reason number one, Hugo Chavez. What more is there really to say? This totalitarian communist is believed to be the reason for the global destabilization in oil prices resulting in our outrageous amounts we have to pay at the pumps. Chavez, who controls the hemisphere's largest oil reserves, is no doubt a stern opponent of the US. If we continue to rattle this guy's cage as I'm sure we will do, this combination could equate to even tougher times for us financially as well as the possibility of a missile with our name on it courtesy of Iran or any one of his friends in low places.

Reason number two, War. At least for the past three decades most of our wars have been fought over oil. It may not have been the direct initiative that led to the conflict but we have been known to jump in bed with a country and their people in hopes of sharing the wealth. We may not have seen eye to eye on everything with these cultures but we sucked it up and fought right along side them in hopes of assuring our continuous supply of crude. This is not to say that I'm anti-war and that I don't appreciate all that our troops are doing today and have been doing in the past for us. I feel when human rights are violated and atrocities are committed we very well should be there delivering a swift boot in the ass of our opponents. What we don't need to do is send more young men and women home in boxes who's missions were to defend oil fields and their oil-rich countries.

Reason number three, Pollution and the Greenhouse effect. Even if you're not a devout tree hugger or someone tuned in to our declining environment and it's resources you have to know what fossil fuel is doing to our planet. There are so many other ways to power our homes, cars, and towns, but we never seem to move forward with them. If politicians could do what's right for once, and cut their billion dollar embillical cord with big business giants we might stand a chance to explore other options and move toward a cleaner and more economical way to live.

So my idea on this one is not so simple. Both sides of the plan are pretty hard to swallow for most but how high does the price of a gallon of gas have to go before you'll react? I'm thinking it's pretty high because I still see plenty of single occupants in very large vehicles going to work every day.

The first stage of the plan is for everyone to go out and buy a bicycle or a Vespa. If you're fortunate enough like me to have country roads separate you from the office then a pedal bike is the way to go. If your commute is a little longer than you can handle then the Vespa might be the route for you. Either way you're choking up the atmosphere far less than you would in your Escalade, and with the pedal bike you're getting one hell of a great workout in the process. We're a society obsessed with our weight so why not kill two birds with one stone? And there is an abundance of cold weather clothing available to all of the hearty souls who choose to travel this way year-round. If not, car pooling or a smaller vehicle could surely help. This is one facet of change that we have control over. Unlike my second suggestion, only you and you alone have the power to make this change.

Suggestion number two: Move toward more nuclear power. I know when individuals think of this, visions of sterility or three-armed children are usually conjured up. The thing is people, Three Mile Island happened a long time ago and our technology as well as our awareness of how to safely operate these facilities have grown tremendously. Sure we stand a threat of having these large targets out there for our enemies to focus on but here's a news flash, they're going to try and find ways to strike us again even if we don't have them. What we can benefit from is some of the most affordable,clean, and efficient means of power on our planet. And with all the money that's saved we can invest in better security and fail safe systems to ensure that we won't see another incident like they did in Pennsylvania back in '79. The best part would be a decline in our country's reliance on fossil fuels and a lot less broken bank accounts because of it.


No China

My god why can't we figure out ways to manufacture goods right here in the good ol' USA as cheaply as China does. Oh I know why! because we don't violate people's rights and force them to work nineteen hour days for 6 days each week. We don't stack them in dormitories right on the company grounds and resort to cheap threatening tactics to constantly dock their wages. And call me crazy but I'm sure it could be tough to find people here willing to pledge their loyalty to you when you not only treat them like this, but you pay them about six cents an hour.

It's not only sickening to hear what they do to their own people, I'm also tired of what that country is doing to our economy. I can't find lead or steel anymore because we're selling our scrap in boat loads to the highest bidder. And those boats usually dock somewhere in China. The quality and workmanship of most of their products is substandard to say the least yet more and more people are either buying them or having their products made there. And good luck if you have a bright new idea and your low bidder in Shenzhen gets the job. Give them 60 days and your new mousetrap is being marketed to the world by them as well. And usually at lower prices!

Solution: Another tough one seeing that almost everything, or parts of it, are manufactured in that region. If you can sleep at night knowing that women and children worked themselves literally to death to make half of that cart of Wal-Mart goods you bought yesterday then stop reading here. If aiding in the abuse of human beings for a good bargain doesn't sit well with you then check your labels and thoroughly investigate where your next major purchase is coming from. It's time to walk the walk and talk the talk. If you really care about this country, the workers who are employed here, and the companies on our home soil, then show it and buy American. Who knows, along with saving our economy you might save some one's life.


No Politicians who don't deliver

Yeah like this is ever going to happen. Denny Hatch had a great little line on his last web post saying something to the tune of people suffering from Electile Dysfunction —Ed Zuckerman, Proprietor of “Government Policy Newslinks” to Denny Hatch, e-mail, January 23, 2008. This is the inability to become aroused over any of the choices for president put forth by either party in the 2008 election year. It's become harder and harder to pledge your allegiance to any side any more. I used to think I was about as Right as they come but I'm having a hard time with the choices I have in this election. None of them are really appealing to me.

Almost every President that I can remember has left the country in shambles when the keys to the nation have been passed on. And it's all a part of the fact that none of these individuals are or have been accountable for their words and actions. The big topic in this most recent presidential campaign (from both camps) has been the stance on illegal aliens. I really hope someone follows through on this one. I as well as millions of others in this great country of ours has grown tired of increasing health care costs and legal fees because of these people bedding down on our dime. Forgive me if I sound heartless as I really do feel for the people that come here and the hardships they had to endure in their country but if you're going to come here, come here legally. Every candidate has been puffing out their chests and declaring 60, 90, or 120 day time periods for these individuals to comply or face deportation. Great idea! I have no clue as to how they are actually going to do this but we'll leave the details up to them. This is what we pay them the big money to do. All I ask is that they themselves and their administration follow through.

But like the majority of politicians in this world who have broken countless promises to us I'm not expecting this to happen soon if at all. Once they're in office they become puppets for big oil, tobacco, or any other group who can line their campaign's pockets and assure a nice long candidacy. It's no longer an issue about the people and their needs and concerns, it's more about what's in their agenda.

My suggestion in all of this is that we the taxpayers, legal citizens, and voters need to be more accountable ourselves. It's one thing to sit with a group of co-workers at the water fountain and complain about this or write stories on a blog. It's another when you write your congressman or local politician and let them know how you feel and what you want to see being done. We also need to pay less attention to being part of any one side and more attention on the issues that a candidate plans on tackling. Regardless of their being left or right. There used to be a time when you wore your political position like a badge of honor and you didn't deviate from it no matter what. I think we need to put an end to this once and for all. It makes no sense any more since we have so many politicians who are Conservative Democrats and vice versa. Pay attention to what matters and maybe we'll find someone who'll make a difference.

No ELF (Earth Liberation Front)

Apparently the nut doesn't fall far from the tree. It seems as though the activists of decades past have spawned ignorant cry babies who are as much a threat to us as any other terrorist group in the world. Paint it any color you like. As long as you're disrupting the peaceful lives of individuals and destroying their property and livelihood then in my book you've left activist status and are now nothing more than a terrorist. Plain and simple.

Now I love this planet just as much as the next guy and I'm hoping there's going to be something left of it for my great grandchildren to enjoy. I just think there are more productive and resourceful ways of ensuring this. Most of which do not include incendiary devices.

So who are these people? It's tough to say so forget racial profiling on this one. They're every color, religion, and they come from many different backgrounds. Students, music teachers, soccer coaches, you name it. Anyone who has strong feelings against something or someone, and very little grey space to understand right from wrong is a good candidate. Sounds like any other menace to society now doesn't it? The only difference is that these individuals are cloaked in a polished suburban image that blends in nicely with their surroundings.

Although sometimes a bit spacey, many activists have very noble causes and feel very strongly about their issues and I can respect that. As long as your demonstrations target the right individual or corporation and nothing is harmed in the process, I feel you have every right to assemble and voice your opinions. But how do these morons from ELF even begin to believe that it's a fair trade off to fire bomb universities and burn down million dollar homes to prove their point? They're not even close to being part of the solution, just more of a problem.

The funny thing about these clueless people are that they come from all walks of life and they still couldn't muster up the collective IQ to do their homework before a job in 2001. They planted a devastating fire bomb at the University of Washington that destroyed its Center for Urban Horticulture and do you know why? It was because they believed researchers there were genetically engineering trees. They were wrong. And the question arises as to what could be so wrong with genetically engineering a tree? Cloning or genetically engineering a human? maybe, but a tree! Even if the university was involved in these types of studies I'm failing to understand what the issue is here. We need more trees in this world to begin with so I would think there are bigger tragedies to conquer. Luckily no one was hurt in the blast but if they keep up with this type of behavior it's just a matter of time before someone does. It might not be the individuals targeted but an innocent civilian, cop, or firefighter.

So my solution to this one is for all of you to get a life! Half of the stuff you're bickering about is trivial to begin with so find a cause that's worthwhile and try really hard not to blow anything up in the process. And if you just can't find it in yourselves to do this then maybe you should consider living elsewhere. That's the great thing about America. The door is not only opened to accept new citizens who want to embrace our way of life and taste freedom, it's open to throw out jackasses like yourselves who don't know how good they got it.